dreams
wow I just had the weirdest dream. But the content of it wasn’t particularly surreal, as was the.. atmosphere. There was this asian dentist guy. And he seemed like this Dr. Eric Drimmer - professional, critical, intellligent, and like an expert in that he knew how to feel my mind out. After he was done evaluating me or whatever, this young asian lady doctor person (who looked like Jung Park’s aunt) was like my dental hygienist or something, I guess, becasue she then proceeded to clean my teeth with this weird scraper device: it was like a metal straw, about 4mm innner diameter, 5mm outer diamter, but then after a point in time it changed into a plastic straw about 6mm innter diameter, 8mm outer diameter. And it was then that I realized that this might be a dream because unexpected stuff like that usually signals a dream state.
But then there were these kids - like 4 of them - I think they might’ve been my sister’s neighbors - and they suddenly walked into the room or whatever therough this door that was about 15 meters in front of me (weird, photography and Track have me thinking in metric units, instead of Imperial). And all they did was just walk around.
And I waas sitting on this white, transparent plastic desk sort of thing. And at some point, one of the kids pointed at the cleaner device and said “I think something came out of your nose because there’s something on that thing” and I looked and saw something brown on it, and I said “I must be having an internal nosebleed - it results from thin capillary walls in the nasal cavity” and then I rubbed it clean. o_O
I’m struggling to remember more of it, and I feel like this inability to remember it is one of the principal weaknesses of mine - a poor memory - and this weakness is killing me now, when I really need a good memory the most. Why is it so important that I remember this stupid dream? I felt like I was crossing the boundary out of reality or something. There was stuff earlier in the dream - I think I died, and then that’s how I ended up in this medical/dental setting… somehow. Maybe I woke up in my dream, only to find myself in that clinic. I can only vaguely remember.
But the important thing was that I felt as if I was crossing some boundary between this reality and… something else.
***
A couple months ago, I might’ve said (in response to the whole crossing the boundary thing), “well good, I wish I crossed it forever and died in my sleep.” But yesterday, I think I was talking with Jung in my van after the Track banquet while we waited for his aunt to pick him up, when I sort of realized that there’s still a bunch of stuff in life that a kid just has no idea of. I realized this at the JMUN thing, before any of the girls arrived, when Jasmine was just talking to the kiddies about AP World History (haha Sam looks really goofy… it was a pleasure to meet him, although he and I didn’t really get to know each other too well), because I was just looking at everyone, and they all looked like someone I’d known before. I’m not kidding: EVERY single face just looked so familiar. Has the human race reached a finite number of possible faces? Anyways, while I was being all pensive and reflective, I realized that there are some transcendental experiences in life that I don’t think I’d want to miss. That kind of gives me another reason to stay alive. That, as well as Mr. Cook’s comment today that “when you feel like nobody cares about you, or believes in you, I want you to remember that *I* believe in every single one of you.” Yeah, sure he followed that up with the typical disclaimer “and I don’t tell this to all of my classes, because I would not lie like that” and I believe him when he says that, but talk is cheap. But still… if it works wonders for your mind, then I guess it’s worth its weight in gold - which would be NOTHING because words don’t weigh anything! haha
ok, before I completely lose all semblance of the seriousness with which I began this [sad excuse for] writing, I just want to reiterate how much I felt like I was on the verge of crossing over into something different. And while it’d be bad if I died in this life, I felt like it would’ve been a development into some higher level of… life - i.e. if I died in my sleep right then and there, and continued to exist in that other reality. I got the sense that they were exmaining me for like entrance into something.
Before ending this, I’d like to cut-and-paste something that I was going to put in a post, but it’s currently sitting in a draft, because I’m not really sure whether I want to put my whining about stirfry into writing. btw the [brackets] are because it was like a sort of foreword before I actually started writing; I think this little “foreword” is applicable to every post. Here it is:
“[Upon starting to write what is now the third paragraph of this entire post (excluding [bracketed] sections), I realized how bitchy this entire tumblr has been; it’s like my whine log. And when I read someone else’s bitchy blogging, I leave pretty quickly, as it’s usually not very constructive to read. But this is not intended to be anyone’s entertainment, especially seeing as how there are only 3 individuals who should know about this tumblr at all: chessmaster, munchkin, and hermione. Hermione knows both chessmaster and munchkin, but munchkin and chessmaster don’t know each other.
In conclusion, if you don’t find this very fun to read, then don’t read it.]”
EDIT: I think I’ll make every post “answerable” from now on, because I usually find that I would like to comment on others’ posts, but the only real place that I have to for comments would be facebook… which is also NOT tumblr, and I do not always want to reference someone’s tumblr on their public facebook page. That works for myself - I don’t think I would like it if someone freely distributed this URL.
EXCEPT WHERE IS THE “ANSWERABLE” CHECKBOX??? GRAWR
