Honorary Ph.D. in Common Sense
… as in, I should have one from Harvard, or Princeton, or one of those pompous self-absorbed institutions of higher learning, such as MIT, so that people will swallow every word from my mouth like I’m the next coming of Jesus Christ. Because if I did, then hopefully HP might’ve listened to me and wouldn’t have butchered what was potentially the greatest mobile computer of their existential history.
Anywho, I’d like to take some time here to exhibit my own pomposity in a review of the HP Touchsmart tx2z, model 1270us. Clearly, I must have been significantly moved in some way to push myself beyond the sloth that is so characteristic of our generation, which is comprised of “the shittiest generation of fucking assholes”; I’ll make grossly clear my indignation at HP’s blatant lack of common sense, with regards to hardware design.
As you can see from this vibrant example of brilliant photography and design, the primary impetus for potential purchasers of the tx2 comes in two parts: 1) the convertible tablet design, and 2) the multitouch capability, as popularized on the iPhone/iPod Touch (this would be the first multitouch tablet for the consumer market).
Anyway, I’m not trying to sell this piece of hardware to you, so I’ll say, right now, that this paragraph contains only technical specifications: 2.2 ghz AMD Turion X2 RM-75, 4GB PC4200 DDR2 RAM (2x2GB, max 8GB), 500GB 5400 RPM SATA HDD, 64MB ATI Radeon HD 3200 discrete graphics chipset, removable SuperMulti 8x DVD±R/RW drive with Lightscribe and Double Layer support, 55Wh 6-cell battery (also got the 73Wh 8-cell at an extra $55), 12.” LED-lit display with capacitive N-Trig active digitizer (for touch capacities) max res 1200x800, modem, built-in webcam/fingerprint reader/stereo mic/remote/802.11a/b/g WLAN, digital stylus, Altec Lansing SRS speakers, 3xUSB 2.0, 10/100/1000 Gigabit Ethernet LAN, 1x ExpressCard/34 slot, 1x VGA, 1x SPDIF/headphone out, 1x headphone out, 1x microphone in, 1x consumer IR transceiver, 1x notebook Expansion Port 3.
whew. So tonight, my most outstanding digression from this otherwise-brilliant concoction of technology comes in the form of an extruding battery. Honestly, it reminds me of some genetically-mutated girls these days, who could have tailgate parties on their enormous asses of titanic proportions. It would have been genius of HP to simply extend the chassis to accommodate full incorporation of the battery into the laptop frame. However, HP missed the opportunity to include this infinitely more elegant flush-battery design, opting to side with the admittedly clumsy decision for a battery that sticks out worse than an asian from San Diego, CA at the University of Alabama. [Holla!] In fact, I find myself longing for my 15.4” Dell E6500 [shame, I know] from UA - because in spite of its considerably heftier design, lack of tablet/touchscreen functionality, and Dell-esque crappiness, a least the battery is flush, contributing to an ultimately more rock-solid design that’s echoed in its magnesium alloy chassis. Honestly HP, would it have been so hard to tuck that shit in?
Secondly, the subtle shoddiness of HP’s design reiterates itself in its aspiration towards the philosophy that “the more curves, the better,” resulting in a dangerous feeling that it’ll fall apart whenever one’s hand grips the closed laptop to pick it up. Again, I don’t know which curvaceous figure HP was using as its model for this laptop. It’s not that the tx2 is disagreeable in its visual aesthetic in any way - the tastefully stylish Reaction exterior imprint sees to that - but rather, it aids in a subtle existence of overall fragility. It’s these little details that count. To be fair, HP did include features such as magnetic fly-down latches instead of the static plastic locks to keep the lid closed, but it wouldn’t have been difficult to put it under a little more scrutiny. I would suggest a bold, flat rectangular design that’s rounded exclusively on the OUTSIDE, rather on the inside as well, so as to more effectively secure the unibody feel of a closed laptop. This might be described as a lack of a complete seal between the lid and body when closed. It’s reminiscent of enclosing a pen within a hardcover [text]book.
Those are really my only concerns regarding the physical design. One last point of contention would be the laughable battery life. Even after installing the latest release candidate of Windows 7, and connecting the extended-life 8-cell battery, battery life only just barely approaches the maximum for my Dell E6500. In HP’s favor, the Dell does not have a touchscreen. However, the Dell has a 15.4” screen, rather than a 12.1” screen, which I think would substitute the additional power demands of an integrated touchscreen. Aside from that, HP’s AMD dual-core has a clock of 2.2 ghz, compared to Dell’s Intel dual-core at 2.66 ghz with triple the L2 cache size. Now I’m not particularly knowledgeable on the topic of processor power consumption, but when I put maximum processor usage to 20%, I expect a kickass life out of an admittedly slower processor. Come on now, HP.
It is my firm conviction that either one of two things will happen, regarding the future of convertible tablets: 1) design will improve, sustaining their existence as a niche market, or 2) the non-convertible slate form factor will gain momentum with the rumoured upcoming MacBook Touch. In the meantime, I’ll make do with this $933 child of mine, and attempt to love it, in spite of its shortcomings and imperfections. I had originally intended to use this tablet as 1) a portable darkroom for image review during photography outings, 2) as a more discreet alternative to a conventional laptop (think electronic legal pad with infinite pages and built-in web browser/ebooks/music/videos/pictures), 3) as a portable study aid, since I’d love to review all 2,092 pages of Gray’s Anatomy without having to buy all the paper at Office Depot, and 4) as a sort of photo album for me to refer to examples of excellent pictures while I’m out on the field taking shots. In these 4 capacities, I have yet to fully test the success (or failure) of the tx2, and the two design flaws which I have noted seem to prove themselves integral to the tx2’s unwieldy nature. But I figure that if I can accidentally drop a raw fish filet into a cooking fire in the middle of the San Bernardino wilderness, pick its charred ass out of the fire with some sticks, and eat the dirty bastard like I did at a Boy Scout Honor Society induction week, then I can deal with this minor annoyance of a battery that sticks out like Rick Astley at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. national rickroll ftw.
Valedictions.
